Toddler adjusting to baby
A friend asked via email, “How is Sam doing? Is he adjusting any better?”
The answer:
Not really. He’s a mess. He’s taken to grinding and clicking his teeth, clenching his jaw into an underbite when he plans on hitting or biting, he’s biting his fingernails and toenails, and today he’s sick so everything is magnified. It’s distressing to say the least. I put him to bed every night and get up with him and cuddle every morning in addition to the times while the baby is napping or Bob’s around that I can spend alone with him during the day. So it’s not like he’s not getting alone time with me. He’s also spending plenty of alone time with Bob. He’s fine if we have play dates or things to do, but when we’re home alone he’s a terror.
I’m on the verge of tears just thinking about it and he’s had me in tears just about every day. He’s such a sweet boy, gentle and easy going that most people who know him don’t even believe me. I get these glimpses of him a few times a day, these moments where I recognize him again, which make me feel even worse about his behavior. I feel awful that he’s so distraught by the new addition but I don’t know what I can do to make him feel secure again. I keep bending over backwards to accommodate him, often at poor Ben’s expense.
Sam doesn’t hate Ben. He demands to hold him and brings him toys and says, ‘it’s okay Ben’ when he cries, but then out of nowhere he’ll just hit him or try to squish him or kick him. He also demands to nurse when Ben nurses, and I don’t know what to do except let him. He doesn’t even want to nurse. He just latches on, looks confused and gets off.
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May 28th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Aw, poor little guy. And poor you. I don’t have any wonderful words of wisdom for you, because my kids were born so many years apart, making sibling rivalry a good deal less intense. Hang in there. You’re doing it right.