The Story of Me
What makes me qualified to write a blog about breastfeeding?….scratches head searching for acceptable answer……
Okay, it’s confession time. I’m a mother. Not an expert.
I gave birth to my son in October 2005. The first 2 weeks of breastfeeding was the usual hell of cracked, bleeding nipples and constant engorgement. Toe-curling HELL with many, many tears. The 3rd week was tolerable with significantly less tears. Then, it was a breeze after that. I had no problems whatsoever. My supply was so abundant, for the first 6 months, I couldn’t leave the house without wearing nursing pads. I never got mastitis. I’ve heard of thrush, but have yet to see it. Since I stayed home, I didn’t have to mess with scheduled feedings vs. pumping - I always nursed my son “on demand”. Weaning was equally easy. When my son was 15 months old, we went on a visit to Boston. We were having so much fun that my son forgot to ask for nursing and I forgot to offer it. I nursed him on the flight back and that was it. The end.
However.
I began attending a breastfeeding support group at my hospital when my son was 3 weeks old. I was still very awkward with nursing anywhere that wasn’t within the safe confines of my home. I quickly discovered the group was a breastfeeding haven in public and I met a few gals there as well. But I realized that not everyone was having as easy of a time of it and that not everyone had a sister such as I did who could talk them from The Ledge during those first 2-3 weeks. So I continued to attend the group and stayed on for the next entire year. Over that time period, I’ve patted many a new, tearful mother on the shoulder. I’ve given loads of “Been There” hugs. And I’ve heard just about every breastfeeding horror story under the sun. Therefore, I certainly never, EVER took it for granted how easy breastfeeding was for me. Indeed, I was always very appreciative of my positive experience all the while acutely aware that it’s not like that for everyone.
So, I weaned my son in January, but am pregnant with my daughter who is due in July - the roller coaster of breastfeeding will be taking off again. I would like to use this space to chronicle those early, tough days. I’ve heard time and time again how new mothers are simply unprepared for how mind-blowing those early days are - the standard literature and breastfeeding classes don’t really convey how terribly frightening it is to face 3 am with a screaming newborn and bleeding nipples. They don’t tell you that when you suddenly sprout cantaloupes on your chest, your precious progeny can’t even latch on properly and will scream in frustration. They don’t tell you that you should pump a little first and that DAMN, girl - you should have opened and sterilized that breast pump ahead of time. They don’t tell you that it helps to chew on your own lips during those early weeks to distract you from the sheer agony emanating from your nipples. And sadly, they don’t tell you how incredibly guilty you will feel for dreading that initial latch-on in those early weeks. Truthfully - I was actually fortunate since I knew from close friends and my sister that breastfeeding is not some miraculous experience as shown in the movies and TV. Real life simply does not have the benefit of a soundtrack and a soft focus lens, that’s for sure. So, I’d like to use this space to provide a real-time, non-clinical account of those early weeks that won’t be glossed over later with sentiment when the hormones have calmed down.
However, I don’t want this place to become my personal breastfeeding diary. I’d also like to use this space as a forum for discussing a myriad of issues surrounding breastfeeding - nursing in public and perceived age limits for weaning your child (is 12 months too old? is two years? great balls of fire - four years?). I want to cover the laws being passed by various states (are they enough? are they fair to the public?). I’ll definitely provide links to current news stories, as well. And finally, I want to have heart-to-hearts regarding the guilt and judgment that occurs when a mother either supplements with formula or doesn’t breastfeed at all. I’d like this space to be open to everyone - I certainly hope to get input from non-breastfeeding folks - men, women, mothers, fathers. Whether you have a child or not, whether you breastfeed or not - your opinion is welcome here.
Nay, it is encouraged.
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April 23rd, 2007 at 8:53 am
I just wanted to stop in and say hi on your new blog!
I think it’s really great what you’re doing here, since I desperately needed this kind of thing when Alliclaus was born. Good on you!
April 23rd, 2007 at 9:27 am
Great introduction Kelli! Can’t wait to read more.
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:41 am
You’re right, those first couple of weeks. *shaking my head sadly*
For me it was only 6 days (THANK GOD HOLY CRAP THAT SUCKED), then became so easy and wonderful. But those first 6 days were horrible. I would sit there with her sucking and cry. Then I would try to take her off (because my not-very-up-to-date pediatrician said she should only be one there for 15 minutes at a time at 2 days old) and she would feel my finger coming in to break the latch and she would burrow in and suck all the harder. It was awful. My husband tried giving her a bottle, she wouldn’t take one (and still won’t at 8 months, though we have tried many-a bottle!). The only thing that helped me were Soothies. Lots and lots of Soothies. Especially refrigerated Soothies.
I’m so glad you’re doing this blog! I’ll be reading!
April 23rd, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I will be right behind you jumping back onto the breastfeeding roller coaster this summer. Will definitely turn to your blog during the difficult days.
April 23rd, 2007 at 3:03 pm
This should become an interesting place to stop by as more and more people offer stories.
I wanted to breastfeed my twins exclusively. I never wanted formula to be in my home. Yet, I didn’t prepare myself for what might happen. That they would be poor at latching on and that they would be lazy suckers. When the jaundice started to show up before we’d left the hospital, I didn’t know there were ways to supplement formula without a bottle so that I wouldn’t have to force the breast on my boys after they’d already experienced the easier feedings from a bottle provided by the hospital.
When I began to feel sore, I didn’t question it. I didn’t even think it might be a problem. I knew breastfeeding was uncomfortable, but I didn’t realize that my level of discomfort was beyond what was normal. Not until I couldn’t lift my left arm without wincing and was shivering with the chills of a fever of 104 and saw green in the mix of the milky streams going through my pump that I thought something might not be right about all this. The palm-sized red hot patch of skin on the underside of my breast might have been a good clue, too, had I noticed it on my own. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t hold a baby properly to continue to nurse while the infection cleared up, so three straight days of bottles later, neither of my boys had even an inkling of interest in my breast as a source of nourishment.
I continued to pump all that I could, even taking Fenugreek to try to increase the supply since my boys never generated enough of a demand. It didn’t amount to much, one or two feedings for each of them a day, but it made me feel like I was really doing all that I could.
When the time came for me to return to work full-time when they were eight weeks old, I had a meltdown and decided we would give it another try. I thought if we could just have one feeding after I got home from work, just one skin-to-skin feeding, then it would ease my disdain for having to work all day. One feeding from each boy over the course of three days, and I had another bout of mastitis. It seemed that something in me was not able to handle their bacteria, and my visions of breastfeeding them were just not meant to be.
I continued to pump 30-45 minutes every 2-4 hours until they were 4 months old and started eating some cereal. The one breastmilk feeding for each was gone after another couple weeks.
That’s my story. Far from a success at breastfeeding, but it was a learning experience. Now that I’m sure I want to have another baby, I will know what to demand in the hospital and when I might need to go to a doctor to avoid some of the obstacles from the journey I had with my boys.
April 23rd, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Great opening post! YOu def. helped me during my first few weeks of nursing~ i had clogged ducts, thrush for weeks and breastfeeding was still the best experience of my life. I look forward to reading your posts in the coming months!
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:00 pm
This should be good reading! I’m glad you’re talking about this - good stuff. There’s nothing as wonderful as nursing a baby, and nothing - and I’m counting childbirth here - quite as mentally and physically painful as those first few weeks starting out.
April 26th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Excited to see a new blog about breastfeeding! For those soon to be moms, I would highly recommend that you utilize the Lacatation Specialists every day for the length of your hospital stay. I also believe they are available for home visits. I was in the hospital for 6 days and it was tough, I though breastfeeding was suppose to come naturally. I had no idea what I was doing and my son didn;t seem to either. The lacation consultant said, “I think he is tongue tied.” I will send a specialist to check it out. Sure enough he was and later found out 5 other boys in the family were!
By the time I was ready to wean, it felt sad.
Now my son and I cuddle for about 20 minutes in the morning while he drinks a yogurt smoothie.