Operation Nap- day 2
Operation Nap Indoors day two was a bigger failure than day one. A very sleepy Sam and I read a few stories and rocked in the glider together. We got into bed and I rubbed his back. He said, “Up mama, up.” I explained again that it was nap time and we had to stay in bed. I held him and he struggled and cried. I whispered to him and shushed him and cuddled him and rubbed his back. He cried harder and harder.
I decided to try physically holding him down in the hopes he’d just collapse from exhaustion. He cried even harder and struggled, hitting me and pulling my hair. I explained to him again that it was nap time. He hit me again so I left the room and told him I’d be back in ten minutes. Ten minutes later he’d thrown several diapers, three books, and two hats over the gate.
He asked to nurse so I picked him up and brought him into bed. He nursed for a while and fell asleep. I tried to remove my breast from his mouth and he clamped down hard. I nudged him to relatch and he clamped down again. I suffered through for a few minutes until his breathing grew slow and heavy again and tried to remove myself again. His eyes opened wide and he cried, “nurse, nurse, nurse.” I switched to the other side. It was fine for a few minutes until he clamped down hard. I asked him to let go but eyes closed, he clamped harder and said no through his teeth. I burst into tears, stuck my finger into his mouth to unlatch him and sobbed in his bed while he cried to nurse more.
After I calmed down a bit I opened the gate and left the room. He followed me out and I’ve been crying on and off ever since. I don’t think this is going to work.
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December 11th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I’m not a mom yet, so I probably shouldn’t even be commenting, but here’s what I have seen on Supernanny (I know, a really reliable source!). You should lay the child down, tell them it’s nap time and sit in the room in a posture that basically indicates you’re not going to pay attention to them. As the child gets out of bed, you pick them up (with as little emotion or eye contact as possible) and put them back in bed. As you found out today, you will probably have to repeat this many, many times (and endure MUCH crying!), but the key is to be consistent and not let the child “win.” They need to see that you mean business and that it is nap time regardless of what they want it to be. It may take a week, two weeks, or more for the child to really understand that they are not going to win this battle.
December 11th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
My sympathies to you and Sam, Jackie.
As someone who has breastfed 3 children (who are now 24, 13, and 6), I must disagree with Heather. Making this a battle of wills is not going to do your relationship with Sam any good.
I found, when my kiddos were getting to the end of their breastfeeding “career,” that using the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” method worked well. As long as they knew that my breast milk was available to them, they were fine with going long periods without it. When I overtly tried to discontinue breastfeeding, they wanted to do it more. To feel secure, they needed to be the ones to decide when they were done permanently with breastfeeding.
I stopped trying to make them nap if they didn’t feel like napping despite their being tired. Some moms find that telling the child that it’s quiet time, rather than nap time, works. If you choose this method, you will need to just hang out with Sam during quiet time. He’s sensing your withdrawal, and it worries him, so he’s clinging even more. And his distress upsets you.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Oooh, this sounds just awful. I haven’t been exactly there but we have had so much heartache around nursing/sleep issues (and also nursing while pregnant) that I really feel your pain. Nursing can be so exhausting while pregnant, and of course you are worried about what will happen when the baby comes. I don’t blame you for wanting to make a change.
It sounds like you’re trying to do two things at once, though, right? Get him to nap in his bed rather than stroller or car, and get him to fall asleep in bed without nursing. Is there a way you could work on just one of those at a time?
Does he still nurse to sleep at bedtime at night? If so I would be tempted to start by trying to cut that out. Mostly because he WILL eventually go to sleep for the night (whereas naptime, I think you can miss the sleepiness window, and, as you know, then you are screwed). And also because maybe (I’m assuming) you’ll have more support (partner or whoever) around in the evening and you won’t have to do it alone.
That makes a lot of assumptions. I hope it’s useful in some way. It sounds just horrendous … but you will get through it!
December 12th, 2007 at 10:08 am
[...] Nap- day 3 by Jackie In response to comments on yesterday’s post, I want to clarify that the nursing down is not the issue. Of course I prefer not to nurse him down [...]
December 15th, 2007 at 12:15 am
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Nursing issues and sleep issues are probably the two hardest things for me to deal with. I am a few days behind on posts, but I definitely wanted to let you know that you have my sympathy. DS2 is not a napper. He is 5 months old, and he will usually sleep less than 1.5 hours through the day over the course of 3-4 20-25 minute naps. I’ve cried over it. I’ve decided not to push it. I’ve tried to hold him off when he seems tired. I’ve tried to put him down before he seems tired. Nothing.
I’ve got no advice, only sympathy.