Does experience count?
Over the past months, when discussing the looming prospect of having TWO children to contend with, my husband confidently observes “At least this time, we know what to do.” And thus far, I’ve managed to not laugh in his face. I decided to just let him keep smoking his pipe packed with whatever goodie it is that lets him think that we truly have it “all figured out”. One advantage to a 2nd pregnancy, is that at least I have been less anxious. With my 1st pregnancy, I would lay awake late into the night pondering if I could do it and wondering what I had signed up for. Now, I know that yes - I can do this motherhood thing. It won’t be easy in the beginning, but I’ll just to put my nose to the grindstone and bear through. And while I won’t have the answers, since I keep hearing children are human beings with different personalities (WTH? REALLY?), I do feel a little better knowing that with Kid #2, I am going in armed with ideas.
Regarding breastfeeding, there are a few things that make me feel a little easier about those first few weeks….
1. Potions- I know the Soothies gel pads work for me and have stocked up on them. But again, I don’t know it all and even just recently, got the great advice from Leah to use the Soothies between breastfeeding sessions and to use the lanolin cream during the breastfeeding session.
2. Pump - I had NO clue how to use my pump. All the advice given was to wait to open the thing to see if you were actually going to breastfeed or not - then if you didn’t, you could just return it. Sadly, I needed that damned thing desperately to relieve engorgement. 3am is NOT the time to figure it out. NOT THE TIME. So, the pump is freshly cleaned and already packed to take to the hospital. According to my lactation consultant, the chances are that my milk will come in while I am still there since I recently weaned and I want to be prepared.
3. Places - I had such a hard time breastfeeding in chairs - the arms always seemed to be in the way of the Boppy AND the baby. For me, nursing while sitting Indian style on a bed was the best place.
4. Positions - All those great breastfeeding pamphlets with nursing positions should be considered a “starting” point. For example, I had to totally experiment with the lying down position. For me, I couldn’t get the hang of the traditionally demonstrated method.
5. Perspective - When you are a brand-spankin’ new mother it is difficult to keep Perspective. I’ll never forget in my early 20s watching a friend struggle with breastfeeding. With her FOURTH child. But, my friend was very calm about it and stated matter-of-factly that it was always like that in the very beginning. I’ve never forgotten that and it’s been over 10 years ago. However, knowing that tidbit helped me immensely in soldiering forward - realizing that it was normal to struggle a bit made all the different.
So, no. I still don’t have all the answers. The 5 Points above are merely the answers from my FIRST child. I suspect my second child will not only present new answers, but also new questions. And that’s okay, too because otherwise, motherhood might get a little boring. And we wouldn’t want that, now would we?
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June 26th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Great post. I do want to differ on point 5, though. Not everyone struggles each time she starts breastfeeding a new baby. Maybe I was unusual, but I didn’t face struggles with pain, thrush, engorgement, supply, or difficulty in getting the baby latched on in any of my three breastfeeding relationships, so I didn’t experience struggling as the norm.
Now, I did face difficulties with family and social acceptance of my breastfeeding the first time around; that was in the early 1980s and I was very young and not too assertive. In hindsight, I figure that that wasn’t really my problem. It was society’s problem.
June 26th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
I like the idea of preparing for the worst so if it goes super smoothly you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
I hope the lanolin trick works for you. I am not 100% positive it worked for me but at least it made me feel like I was doing something to protect my poor nipples in those early painful days!
June 26th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Katharine,
Thank you for pointing out that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a struggle for everyone. I think new mothers really need to hear positive statements like that! And when I say “struggle”, it really was only for the first 2 weeks. By 3 weeks, I definitely felt like an “old hand” at it.
Leah,
I am TOTALLY all over trying new tricks!
June 28th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
I laughed so hard with this one because we are in the basic same place as you are…our second time around and we already have a two year old. I don’t know how old your other child is. My husband thinks its going to be the same as last time…unfortunately from what i hear kids are all different *gasp* so my perfect bliss with my daughter as a newborn who slept through the night at only 5 weeks is basically going down the toilet. Not to mention that not only do I not know what to expect I also don’t know how my daughter will respond to her baby sister. *sigh* I am a little nervous! My biggest difference is that breastfeeding didn’t go well for us with my daughter I only last two weeks as I’m sure I’ve said before so now I’m like omg am I gonna get into the same crappy situation with that again. I do feel way more knowledgable on the subject now as I have been through it and I read everything I can get my hands on even though it all says the same stuff over and over. Oh well I’m gonna try. I may need support so I’m totally coming here at 3am to cry about how terrible the latch is hehe
June 28th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
It gets more … interesting… the second time. I didn’t ahve any problems from day 1 with my first son, my second one was a battle for months. Totally worth the trouble, but still not smooth. One thing I’ve had to learn with #2: How to hold a baby in one arm without unlatching him whiel you chase your toddler and whatever he’s gotten his hands on while you were too busy nursing to stop him from getting. We’re a regular comedy troupe around here. LOL
June 28th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
Since my 2nd baby was in the hospital for her first three weeks, I definitely had a different experience with each kid. I was ever so grateful for the experience from kid #1 in having some idea the changes my body would go through, how to use a pump, when to get excited and when not to, etc., especially since I couldn’t feed my baby, just that insatiable pump.
The pumping was something I could draw on my first experience to handle, but kid #2 had a problem with reflux for a couple of weeks that I had no clue how to handle from previous experience. Luckily my lactation consultant and a nurse from the hospital helped me with techniques that helped.