Nursing Your Kids

After 5 long, painful weeks Sam finally seems to have adjusted to his baby brother. The last few days he’s been an absolute pleasure again and we’re enjoying our sweet boy again. All of his unsavory behaviors have slowed if not stopped entirely. I no longer fear for Ben’s safety when Sam comes over to give him a kiss.

Breastfeeding has become almost easy. The excruciating pain of Ben latching on stopped sometime after the mastitis got better. I still produce a great deal of milk; when I pump, which is rare, I’m able to pump 4 or 5 ounces in about 10 minutes using my Medela Harmony manual pump. But I’m no longer painfully engorged all of the time. When Ben’s nursing on one side I still leak like crazy on the other, but it’s nothing like it was just a few weeks ago.

Ben doesn’t seem to mind taking bottles. He’s had a few with no ill effects and doesn’t seem to care that the milk’s not coming directly from the source. He also seems to like a pacifier. I don’t really give it to him, but Bob does when I’m not around and it does the trick.

Poop, one of those things parents (especially mothers) find themselves talking about entirely too often, is something else I should mention. After pooping a dozen times a day, Ben’s system has finally slowed down. He’s now pooping in greater volume just once or twice a day. I am thrilled that cloth diapers contain the runny breastmilk poo much better than disposable diapers. When Sam was a baby I had to change his entire outfit just about every time he pooped since it would inevitably shoot all the way up his back to his neck. With cloth we haven’t had a single blowout.

A friend asked via email, “How is Sam doing? Is he adjusting any better?”

The answer:

Not really. He’s a mess. He’s taken to grinding and clicking his teeth, clenching his jaw into an underbite when he plans on hitting or biting, he’s biting his fingernails and toenails, and today he’s sick so everything is magnified. It’s distressing to say the least. I put him to bed every night and get up with him and cuddle every morning in addition to the times while the baby is napping or Bob’s around that I can spend alone with him during the day. So it’s not like he’s not getting alone time with me. He’s also spending plenty of alone time with Bob. He’s fine if we have play dates or things to do, but when we’re home alone he’s a terror.

I’m on the verge of tears just thinking about it and he’s had me in tears just about every day. He’s such a sweet boy, gentle and easy going that most people who know him don’t even believe me. I get these glimpses of him a few times a day, these moments where I recognize him again, which make me feel even worse about his behavior. I feel awful that he’s so distraught by the new addition but I don’t know what I can do to make him feel secure again. I keep bending over backwards to accommodate him, often at poor Ben’s expense.

Sam doesn’t hate Ben. He demands to hold him and brings him toys and says, ‘it’s okay Ben’ when he cries, but then out of nowhere he’ll just hit him or try to squish him or kick him. He also demands to nurse when Ben nurses, and I don’t know what to do except let him. He doesn’t even want to nurse. He just latches on, looks confused and gets off.

I’ll skip day 9 because it was relatively uneventful compared to Ben’s 10th day out of the womb. To keep Sam occupied and violence free I scheduled a play date for this morning and a visit from Grandmom (my mother-in-law) this afternoon. All was well until around five o’clock. We were sitting outside and I started to feel a little bit cold. I was a little sore under the armpits. ( For those of you who may not have breastfed yet, the milk glands start under the armpit and milk can collect there making them lumpy and sore.)

When my MIL left I went inside. I still felt cold so I put on a sweatshirt and looked at the thermometer. It was 70 degrees in the house. Not a good sign. I took my temperature and sure enough I had a low fever. I didn’t put the two things together- sore armpits and a fever- until Bob reminded me that I could have an infection. Sure enough, my left breast was fire engine red and hot to the touch and I started feeling flu-ish.

It was after office hours but my doctor was on call so I had her call in a prescription for antibiotics for me. I was still hoping that I could avoid them since Ben had a little yeast rash in the diaper area and antibiotics can cause yeast problems like thrush, a condition I managed to avoid with Sam, but I wanted to have them if I didn’t get better without.

I put on a heating pad and let Ben nurse on the sore breast for a long time. I block nursed for the night, just one side at a time to make sure everything was well-drained and put heat on the sore side before each nursing session. I took advil to help with the discomfort and swelling and went to bed early waking to nurse regularly, hoping for the best.

Unfortunately I still had a temperature Saturday morning and my breast was still hot and red to the touch. So I started the antibiotics. Bob took Sam out for the day so I was able to rest with Ben most of the day. By Sunday I was feeling better. Yesterday, Monday, I was still sore, but all of the other symptoms had completely subsided.

Mastitis sucks but I’m glad I caught it early.

Day 7

The jealousy is getting worse. Now Sam’s is getting violent towards Ben, hitting him and trying to pull him out of my lap. Today I was in tears after Sam hit me, hit Ben, then tried to push Ben out of the bouncy chair. Ben didn’t notice, but it kills me to see my sweet Sam act so terribly. I know that adjustment issues are common and that it won’t last forever, but I’m afraid of being on my own for a full day with them.

The engorgement is getting better. Ben’s nursing more and sleeping less. It still hurts like hell when he latches on, but it goes away after a minute or two. He’s a fast nurser, gulping down breastmilk quickly then looking around for a while trying to decide if he’s still hungry. It’s amazing how different he is from Sam. Sam used to nurse forever. Most days he’d nurse for about an hour out of every two hours. I know he’s only a week old, but so far Ben couldn’t be more different. He’s done in 10 minutes easily, gasping for breath after drinking so hard.

Day 8

Ben’s first doctor’s appointment was this morning. Bob took the day off from work to go with us. When the nurse weighed him we were astonished to see that he’s lost weight after being discharged from the hospital. His discharge weight was 7 lbs 8 oz. His weight a week later was 7 lbs even. But he’d grown a full inch. He nursed for a while after being weighed and measured before the doctor came in.

The pediatrician was concerned about the weight loss and asked a number of questions. She wanted to know if he was nursing 8-10 times in a 24 hour period and if he was gulping while he ate. She asked if my milk had come in. Hoping she’d weigh him again I mentioned that he’d nursed after he was weighed. The doctor’s scale isn’t as sensitive as a lactation consultant’s, but she thought she’d weigh him again just to see. Sure enough, his weight the second time was 7 lbs 11 oz. She weighed him again just to make sure and it was the same. I don’t know what happened the first time. Bob and I were both watching the nurse as he weighed Ben and he didn’t do anything wrong. I was so relieved that he’s gaining weight.

Day 4

With the milk in, Ben started nursing a little bit more, taking huge gulps followed by a more leisurely pace. The only way I could get him to nurse on both sides was to change his diaper in between feedings. He still wouldn’t nurse much on the second side, but he’d nurse a little before falling asleep again.

He woke up to nurse three times in the night, which is a good sign. He’s sleeping in our room in a bassinet next to the bed. After the first wakeup I tend to fall asleep while he nurses so he generally doesn’t make it back into his own bed. The good news is that we’re both sleeping pretty well. I don’t know how long it will last since this early newborn sleepy stage is fleeting, but I’m enjoying getting my rest while I can.

Day 5

Nothing remarkable today. Ben continues to nurse and sleep with stretches of wide-eyed wakefulness in between. I am still engorged and it hurts.

Day 6

The inevitable has happened. Sam’s jealousy has kicked in full force and he wants to be on my lap when Ben is and he wants to do what Ben does. If Ben’s in the bouncy chair Sam wants to be in the bouncy chair. If Ben’s in the wrap attached to my chest, Sam wants to be in the wrap attached to me. Twice today Sam asked to nurse because Ben was nursing. Both times I let him and thankfully once he got close he shied away. The second time he tried to latch on and may have suckled for a second, but he seemed confused and stopped pretty quickly. I am still engorged and it still hurts.

Day 2

Late Wednesday night the baby was named. Thursday, Benjamin’s second full day on the outside, was busy. He was circumcised in the morning and returned to me a few hours later still sleepy from the Tylenol. When he woke up he was hungry and he latched on and nursed like a pro before falling asleep again. The pediatrician on call gave us discharge papers and even though I was worried that he wasn’t eating enough he’d only lost an ounce in the hospital. Since Sam had lost 11 ounces, more than half a pound in those first few days, I was ecstatic that Ben had done so well. Soon after we went home and spent our first afternoon together as a family.

My milk still hadn’t come in and even though I was putting him on the breast regularly Ben wasn’t eating much. His latch, though correct, was starting to become really painful. My nipples were still in tact, with no bruises, blisters or sores, but I’d forgotten how much breastfeeding hurts those first few days.

Day 3

By Friday evening my milk had officially come in. My breasts had reached epic, porn star proportions and Bob kept asking to look at them again. Ben STILL wasn’t eating enough and the engorgement was painful. My right breast, which has always been slightly bigger than the left, was clearly overachieving in the milk department and started to become hot and red. I panicked, thinking I was getting mastitis already, but after Ben nursed on that side for a good five minutes the redness faded and all was well.

Still nameless, my baby wasn’t any more interested in nursing the day after his birth than he was immediately after. He spent most of the day asleep, waking sporadically to look around. Despite his disinterest, I put him to the breast every two hours he was with me hoping he’d eventually get hungry. Since he was so sleepy still I timed feedings with diaper changes, since stripping off his diaper was the only thing that seemed to wake him up. After a diaper change he’d nurse for a few minutes, rarely averaging more than 5 minutes a side.

The lactation consultant came in to visit with me and ask how things were going. I remembered her and her good advice from when Sam was born and I was struggling. I told her that the baby’s latch was okay from what I could tell but he just wasn’t interested in eating. I also expressed my concern that him not eating could delay my milk coming in since it took five days to come in when Sam was born. She told me not to worry, that he’d eat when he was ready and told me where in the hospital breastfeeding manual I could access support numbers for lactation consultants in the area. She also told me that my insurance covers one or two visits with a Certified Lactation Consultant.

Eventually the baby got hungry and nursed for a 40-minute stretch before sleeping for a few more hours. I was afraid he’d be up all night, hungry, but he slept pretty well and only nursed twice between 12 and 6am.

After delivery my very messy baby was given to me. His eyes wide open, I held him close against my chest. My instincts were to see if he wanted to nurse, but I didn’t want to stop looking at his face. I also knew that I needed a few stitches and that they’d want to clean and wrap him up. After a few minutes they took him to the other side of the room. My doctor attended to me while they weighed and cleaned the baby. Bob took pictures.

It felt like forever before they gave him back, but it was only about five minutes. I started to unsnap my gown but Bob stopped me to take a few pictures first. Then it was show time. He latched on right away and knew just what to do. His little jaw started working and I felt a familiar pull. But just as quickly as he started he stopped. I tried to encourage him to nurse more over the next 45 minutes but he didn’t seem all that interested.

He was alert and looking around the room. He looked at me and he looked at Bob. We admired him back. Our baby boy looked nothing like Sam did at birth. He was a full pound heavier with darker skin, darker eyes and a head of thick, black hair. While Sam was happy to latch on and nurse for close to an hour after his birth, Sam’s little brother was happy just to look. He didn’t cry and he didn’t fuss, he just took everything in.

We stayed in the delivery room with him for more than an hour before they took him to the nursery for assessments and took me to my room in the maternity ward. Bob got us food and I had a midnight snack of chicken fingers and French fries while my baby had his first bath. Bob went home for the night. Not too long after a nurse brought me my son and it was time to nurse him again.

Again he latched well but didn’t really want to breastfeed. He was too tired. I stripped off his swaddle, removed his shirt and tickled his feet to wake him up to nurse. He was not happy about being so rudely awakened, but he did latch again and nurse for about five minutes. The nurse took him back to the nursery to warm him up and I was able to sleep for an hour before they brought him back.

When he returned for the night he finally latched on and nursed for about forty-five minutes before falling asleep, completely exhausted. He slept in my arms the rest of the night, completely oblivious to the nurses coming in and out, checking my blood pressure and temperature and patting my uterus. He was one tired baby boy.

I apologize for the super-lame post but we’re sleep training and I can’t think straight

March is a busy month in this household. What’s usually one of the two bleakest months of the year in Philadelphia is now filled with events. Sam’s birthday is the 8th, our wedding anniversary is the 19th and my 30th birthday is this Saturday, the 22nd.

We don’t have anything planned for our anniversary. Again. It’s only our anniversary though we’ve been together for close to eight years) and we’ve pretty much slacked celebrating it. Last year we were at a funeral on our anniversary and though my in-laws were kind enough to watch Sam for an hour after a four hour drive back to the city a funeral really isn’t my idea of anniversary fun. This year I’m pregnant, our anniversary falls on a Wednesday and we don’t have a babysitter. I don’t foresee anything especially thrilling.

Easter is early this year so my birthday falls on the day of Bob’s family’s annual day before Easter party which means I’ll celebrate my birthday with Easter egg hunts, Easter Pie and a ton of small children. It’s not the celebration I had in mind when I originally envisioned a 30th birthday party. My vision was more of an adult party, something that involved copious amounts of alcohol. People ask me if turning 30 bothers me, if I feel like I’m getting old. The short answer is no. Like many people who are content with their lives, the older I get the older my concept of old gets. I just wish that I could enjoy several rounds of cocktails with my friends.

When I got pregnant with Sam I was in great shape. I’d been working out 4 or 5 times a week for years, I did yoga a few times a week, and walked all over the city. I was tight, toned, and slightly underweight. By the time I had my first doctor’s visit when I was 8 or 9 weeks pregnant I’d already gained 8 pounds. It never stopped. I kept gaining and gaining despite the fact that I was still working out 4 or 5 times a 50 week and doing yoga. I stopped looking at the scale when I hit 50 pounds gained a month or two before my due date.

Everyone told me I’d have no trouble losing the weight, especially because I was breastfeeding. I heard all sorts of rumors that breastfeeding helps with weight loss. I heard about women who dropped weight without trying and kept losing weight until they were below their pre-pregnancy weight. I heard about women who kept the weight on and lost it all at once when they stopped nursing. I struggled and struggled to lose the weight after Sam was born. When he was six months old I still couldn’t fit into all of my pre-baby pants. By 9 months postpartum I was able to wear most of my old clothes. With the help of two nasty stomach bugs I was back to pre-pregnancy weight by Sam’s first birthday. By the time he was 18 months old I’d gained 8 of those pounds back.

Maybe I would have lost the weight again when he stopped nursing, but I got pregnant again before I had the chance to find out.

So when I hear about people who credit breastfeeding with rapid weight loss I get a little bit bitter. Screw you, Naomi Watts. I’m sure your personal trainer had more to do with your fabulous shape than breastfeeding.

Actress Naomi Watts has said the pressures of motherhood are the reason for her slim post-pregnancy figure.

She said: “Breastfeeding - that’s how you drop weight. Even though you are just eating all the time, he is eating too”.

At least she’s honest about the sleep thing.

She adds: “My son is a true joy, but motherhood is harder than I thought. The biggest surprise was the lack of sleep. He is still struggling to sleep through the night”.

Yesterday morning when Sam woke up at 6.30, a full hour before he’s been waking, I decided to try something I’d given up on months ago: bringing him into bed with us. He was content to cuddle for about a minute and a half before he sat up, and started pulling the blankets down and my shirt up. He didn’t have much luck and he started to cry and make the sign for milk. I sighed, lifted my shirt and tried to get comfortable.

Two hours later, after drifting in and out of a shallow sleep, I fully awoke to Sam’s mouth clamped firmly around my nipple. It hurt as badly as it did those first few weeks. I’m sure the monster nursing session exacerbated the fact that somewhere in the night he lost his latch and just grabbed onto whatever he could. And what he got wasn’t nearly as much as she should have.

I am now officially declaring a moratorium on morning snuggles until he’s fully weaned.

My weekend was totally hijacked by a certain boy wizard. I am going to rely heavily on bullets….

• Anjali had a doctor’s appointment today - the goal was to reach 8 lbs, 1 oz (her birthweight) by this date - she weighed 8lb, 9oz. If that isn’t proof the breastfeeding is going well, I’m not not sure what is. At this point, she is nursing steadily through the day every 2-3 hours. I top her tank off at 11:00pm before I go to bed, then she nurses again around 3:30am (which I mostly sleep through anyway), then she nurses again around 7:30am after which, I hop out of bed and get my precious, precious shower in for the day before Kid #2 starts squawking. I couldn’t ask for a better schedule because I can function quite well on this sort of sleep.
• After these first 2 weeks, the #1 lesson I would like to impart on new mothers is that yes, YES a good latch is important for decreasing nipple soreness. That and frequently rotating positions. I am still shocked at how little nipple soreness I had this time around and attribute it to proper latch and varied positions.
• I’ll admit, I am still disappointed that I never found a good solution for engorgement. Yes, there are ways to help relieve the discomfort and pain, but no true solutions, per se. Pumping helped, frequent nursing helped, baggies of cold water in my bra helped, ibuprofen helped….. However, the thing that helped me most was just knowing that it would go away after a day or two. That was it.

I wish I had some grand finale to wrap up this Two Week Diary with, but really - this second experience has been SO positive, that I am not sure what else I can write. How many times can I merrily say “Squee!!” before the eye-rolling commences? I am very grateful that breastfeeding has been easy for me - it’s a gift that I try not to take for granted knowing that many gals out there struggle with it.

breastfeeding

Regarding the odd bleeding, I did end up talking to a nurse at the hospital last night and she agreed that I should call my doctor, but that it could wait until the morning. Yep, I consulted Dr. Google at around 11pm last night and per usual, Dr. Google had me whipped into a frenzy. I spoke to the doctor this morning and it seems that everything will be fine and that I will live, after all. I am not running a fever, I am not achy or chilly, I am not experiencing abdominal pain or any other pain that is unusual for 11 days post-partum. So, things seem to be good.

Last night was awesome - I nursed Anju at 11pm, read in bed for awhile and was asleep myself by midnight. She woke up at 3am and I was finally able to get a good latch while lying down with her. I slept while she ate and when she was done, I changed her diaper, then quickly got back to sleep. I was up all of 30 minutes, so I was able to wake up at 7:30 and easily fit in my shower before she woke up at 8am.

Speaking of showers, I used to always hear how new mothers wouldn’t have time to shower, blah blah. Um, that is one thing I refuse to sacrifice to the motherhood cause. I REFUSE. Even if I am in and out with a quickie 5 Minute Cursory Wipedown, I still get a shower in. If I don’t have a shower, that is a sure fire path to the doldrums for me. No thanks!

So, overall, I am actually feeling pretty good. The knowledge that a certain boy wizard is waiting for me at my local Borders makes me feel even better.

Today really got away from me. I had a friend in town unexpectedly, so I am late getting this out. I haven’t seen her since last October, so it was well worth missing a deadline.

A few things:
–Anjali’s umbilical cord feel off today. It fell off cleanly, unlike my son’s which FREAKED me out because it was very goopy leading me to think that something was seriously wrong. Yet another thing the Wise Baby Tomes don’t warn you about.

–I sent off the forms to add Anjali to our insurance - we have 30 days to add her. I wanted to do this in Week 2 to make sure that if there are any issues or additional documentation needed, that I have plenty of time to get it in. We had an issue with my son where I found out when he was EIGHT months old that his insurance forms had been bungled by my husband’s company and that my son was uninsured. I spent two restless weeks waiting until it was sorted out. So, yes - I am paranoid about insurance and didn’t want to take chances. Normally, I am a huge procrastinator, not this time.

–I have some weird bleeding going on. Um, I hate to get gross, so I won’t go into details, but I am a little worried and will be calling the doctor tomorrow. No, I don’t think I am hemorrhaging or I would be en route to the hospital, NOT typing this. However, there is something “off” with the smell that has me concerned.

–I guess this is a breastfeeding blog and I should include a tidbit about that, eh? Actually, there is not much to report. It is going fantastic and I am just utterly amazed at it all. I remember with my son that it was a good 2 weeks before things settled down and by the 3rd week, I was totally comfortable with it. I will probably wrap up the Daily Dear Diary at the 2 week mark on Monday. I will still continue the category as things come up, though.

I probably should go. My fingers are itching to consult Dr. Google on this bleeding thing and I just KNOW that would be a mistake.

Wow. Things are going really, really well. Still a little nipple soreness and again, it’s my own damned fault for not insisting that Anjali stuff yet more nippled real estate into her teeny gaping maw. I need to work on her latch, basically. The last few nights, she has been getting up around 3 am these days which is annoying because Lou Dobbs is on that time. I’d rather she wait until 4 when Anderson Cooper is on. My husband laughs at me every morning because I regale him with hilarious tales of breaking news that I caught BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. Seriously - I saw the Japanese Earthquake as ” breaking news” event when it interrupted whatever it was that I was watching on CNN. I am so cool, no? Anyway - not too bad - I feed her around 11pm, right before I go to bed and then, she’s up around 3-4am. It takes about 45-60 minutes to get everything done and then she sleeps until 7:30ish. I am the type of person who can live on sleep in 3 hour increments, so I am not sleep deprived at all, but I can understand where that might not be everyone’s cup of tea.

Co-Sleeping
In my previous post, Monica asked about co-sleeping:
Interested in knowing more about the co-sleeping. Does Arun still sleep with you all as well? We do it for naps but not at night. Well, not anymore. My husband indulged me for the first few months.

I have posted about co-sleeping previously here. However, the short story is this - my Indian husband thought it was crazy that we would put our son in a crib or bassinet. So, our son ended up sleeping with us for about the first 13 months, but he now sleeps in his crib. I never could get my son to co-nap. Never. My situation was opposite to most mothers - I was getting good nights of sleep, but in the afternoon spent many an hour sobbing on my couch, eating Choxie Chocolates because Arun would NOT NAP.

I try not to be obnoxious about co-sleeping because I can see where it isn’t for everyone. Even for BABIES. My younger sister would not sleep with my dad and step-mom for anything. My brother LOVED sleeping with them. I can report that BOTH of them have extremely strong and healthy attachments to my dad and step-mom. So, truthfully, I don’t co-sleep because I think I am getting a jumpstart on attachment. I do it because I like sleeping. Sleeping and I are best buds. I like reading in bed while my baby squeaks and snorts nearby. I like being able to open my eyes in the middle of the night and see that my baby is breathing and alive. And I especially like it when my baby lies there peacefully with his/her eyes wide open, staring into mine. That’s all.

breastfeeding, newborn, co-sleeping