Age Limits
I mentioned I would talk about age limits for breastfeeding. However, I should really start in the beginning…….
Back in my days of Armchair Parenting, I believed a child should be weaned at 12 months. Sharp. Then, I had a baby of my own and learned that babies need high fat in their diets until the age of 24 months since it’s crucial for brain development - specifically, they need essential fatty acids, which cow’s milk is low in. Okay. I was cool with that and decided that if Arun wanted to nurse until 2 years old, that was fine by me. Then, I found out I was pregnant shortly after Arun turned 12 months. I knew that I didn’t want to tandem nurse, so I decided that Arun would need to be weaned by 18 months. As I’ve already discussed, he ended up weaning himself by 15 months (not to belabor the point, but now we do a variety of nuts, flaxseed, and fish to help with his essential fatty acid intake. We aren’t anti-milk by any means (I LOVE milk! YUM!), but cow’s milk was made for a CALF’S brain.) Okay. The end. Right? Not really, because I have baby #2 on the way. And I will approach weaning in the same manner - I’d like to nurse her until 24 months if she’s down with that, but if not, I am not going to push breastfeeding on her when there are other great options for essential fatty acids.
So. Age limits. I am not comfortable with children nursing past the age of 2. I never was and still am not. However, until I had a child of my own, I couldn’t really explain why I was awkward with it - I couldn’t quite put it in definable words. There has been talk in the comments here about the “over-sexualization of the female breast” in our culture. I would agree with that sentiment. But that over-sexualization is based on something that has been in existence since the beginning of man. Modern culture didn’t invent that concept but rather exploited it. The female breast is a source of pleasure and desire for both men and women - that’s undeniable. And that role of the female breast in sexual pleasure plays itself out for the greater part of most women’s lives. In truth, breastfeeding constitutes a very small part of most women’s lifespans even when you figure out a max of 2 years per child.
I would expect that the female breast will play a part in both of my children’s sexual futures. Therefore, quite simply, I do not want them to remember suckling at mine. When they are adults, I want their experiences with the female to be fresh. So while I really don’t care if others nurse their children way beyond the age of 2, I will never be comfortable with it.
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May 1st, 2007 at 12:55 pm
I have to say I agree with your thoughts on this. Having early memories of feeding off mom’s boob when you get to an age where breasts are enjoyed for a very different reason seems an unnecessary cause of confusion in my mind.
May 1st, 2007 at 1:37 pm
My oldest son, now 12, weaned himself when he was 3.5 years old. He now has no memory of having been breastfed. My youngest, now 5, weaned himself at 4; he still fondly remembers breastfeeding, but I’m sure that with time, that memory will fade. (My daughter, now 24, has absolutely no memory of being breastfed, but then I managed to breastfeed her for only 3 months—not enough emotional or societal support back then.)
My comfort zone has always ended when my babies were about 4, so I’d have helped weaning along had any of my kids shown evidence of wanting to go past that point.
May 1st, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Katharine,
I do appreciate your views on this and am glad that someone who has experience with nursing an older child responded!
I have quite a few memories from when I was much younger - definitely under the age of 4 (I remember many things that happened at a certain house we lived in when I was younger - a house we moved away from by the time I was 4). Of course, not every child has a memory like that and obviously, we base our decisions based upon our own personal experiences.
May 1st, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I have to say that I wouldn’t personally have been comfortable with doing it past a year, though I’m not one to talk since I stopped before I even went back to work. I was uncomfortable with breastfeeding partly because of my view of women’s breasts. I think I just associate them so much with sex that it’s hard for me to breastfeed. That’s really sad, but unfortunately, you can’t help how you feel.
May 1st, 2007 at 6:13 pm
I am currently nursing my son (22 months) and adoptive nursing my daughter (8 months). I don’t see my son weaning anytime soon, and I agree that he still needs the milk (for many reasons).
I was nursed well into my toddler years and I do remember it. I can say with confidence that the memory of nursing has never come up during any number of sexual experience involving breasts and I think the thought of it is absurd. I don’t remember it as a anything sexual, but as a feeling of comfort and mothering.
Of course you have to do what you’re comfortable with, but if you feel the need to wean before your child’s long term memories are forming, then perhaps you should explore more why it is that you are afraid of it. Children allover the world remember nursing and go on to have sex and make their own babies that they also nurse.
May 1st, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Due to allergies we had to wean my son off breastmilk (he really never caught on to the boob and now we think it’s because of said allergies) just this past week. It was really hard to make this decision because of the benefits and I don’t like formula. I wish he would have caught on to the actual breastfeeding. My hope is that things will be better for the future children…
May 1st, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I think putting any age to wean by is just another log on the mommy guilt fire. If your child doesn’t want to wean at exactly 24 months who cares. I say screw the time limits do what is right for you.
I also thought children should only nurse until 1, until I nursed and realized they would either need cows milk or my milk. I opt for human.
I don’t remember eating any meal at the age of 3 or 4. I don’t think a son or daughter remembering to nurse is any worse than remembering your mother or father for that matter having to wipe your ass for you… bend over and touch your toes haha.
May 1st, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Aja,
Thank you for your comment!
I think being afraid and uncomfortable are two very different feelings. I am not afraid to let my son nurse past the age of 2, I am uncomfortable with him remembering it. That’s really it and there is no complicated equation in that. Overall, I am just am trying to explore what are the limits here and why people have limits (that’s why I described the reasoning for mine). Where do we stop? If we say up to the age of 4 or 5 is okay, then why not 7 or 8? Why not 13?
Also, you brought up the very valid point about other cultures being more comfortable with nursing than we are. However, it depends on the culture. For example, my husband is from India, a country that is certainly fine with nursing up to the age of 2, but I would hardly declare them to be free thinking when it comes to sex.
May 1st, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Alicia,
Actually, your comment caused me to chuckle in more ways than one! When I was writing this post, I sat and really thought about what I remembered before the age of 4, when we lived in that particular house. Two distinct memories had to do with food! Eating fried chicken in the living room with my dad and his friend and then another memory of eating an ice cream sandwich on our front stoop.
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:52 pm
I also have memories at least as early as age 3, including meals. I think there is a very valid point you made, Kelli, in that while other cultures are fine with nursing past toddlerhood and into childhood, some of those cultures are not so open about sexuality, specifically women’s sexuality. Sure, those who remember nursing can go on to have an active sex life as an adult and also nurse their own children without associating one with the other, but I think there is often a chance, particularly with a son, for the views of breasts as nourishment for children as well as sexual pleasure zones to not be so distinguished. It is a matter of comfort. Some women can’t even think of breastfeeding because of their discomfort with the idea of feeding with their breasts. I’ve never had the chance to make the decision to limit my child’s nursing age, so who knows if I would abandon my current discomfort and allow it to continue until he/she self-weaned?
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:48 pm
But what of children who are not potty trained by 3 or 4? Will they grow up with horrid memories of their mothers, or possibly others, cleaning their genitals and have issues from it? If not then why is the memory of their mother cleaning their genitals not as bad as the idea of a child remembering nursing from his or her mother’s breast? Surely the breast is not more sexual than the genitals are.
Personally I am fine with breastfeeding for as long as the child wishes. I have frineds who nurse their 5 year olds and it is still as wonderful as when they were infants. There is a great video, I’ll find the link, of a mom who nursed her daughters to ages 6 and 8. The oldest girl in the video smiles and recalls breastfeeding, saying that she would rather have breastmilk than a million mellons. Why would that be a bad memory to have? A freind of mine who weaned her son at age 4 told me that her son said it was better than all the ice cream in the world. Is that such a horrible memory for a child to have?
And waht about large families or ones with large gaps in between children. would not the older children have memories of seeing their younger siblings nursing? Would that too some how be a bad thing?
I guess I’ll just never understand how a child remembering breastfeeding could ever be a bad thing. In fact it may be just that memory that helps to end the adult idea that breasts are for selling beer and pleasing men only.